Near You Always
by heather8
Summary: This is a sequel to “For the Rest of Our Lives.” Larry’s ‘missing a part of him’….


TITLE: Near You Always  
AUTHOR: Heather  
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to "For the Rest of Our Lives." Larry's 'missing a part of him'….  
SONG CREDITS: both "Foolish Games" and "Near you Always" belong to Jewel Kilcher  
NOTES: this story was conceived all in one night, but the idea was made back in September/October of 2001. I just finished "Scrapbook of Memories" (which should be out soon) and I was in the process of that story when this one was thought up…hence, it got pushed back in production. I'm surprised at the way this turned out and I hope you all like it. Constructive criticism is welcome and wanted. This didn't start out as a sequel, but when I thought about it more and more, it made sense to have a foundation already laid so that I didn't have to come up with a brand new history for how Ally and Larry stayed together, if ya all know what I mean. Otay, I think thas it, hope you all enjoy! On with the fic!!! :)  
ONE MORE NOTE: I tried to send it before, but it came out all icky…so the thoughts (you SHOULD be able to figure out who's thinking what by the context, blah blah etc,) are in these: ** ** kay?!   
  
  
It was less than a month till Ally and Larry's wedding; Larry had been going through a silent period. See, he almost left Ally half a year ago because of omens and fears, blah blah etc. right around the time he was going to propose. He ended up coming to his senses and Ally took him back with open arms, much to his surprise. All Larry was deep down was a coward. The only thing he ever really followed through with was law school, and he did love his job.   
But now, here he was, about a month from being married, once again, only to the woman he was meant to share the rest of his life with. She was, his "it", and even though he knew there was no other, something still held him back, something still kept him questioning his actions.   
The figure next to him turned over and placed an arm over his chest. "Mmm, Larry," Ally purred as she slowly awoke from a deep sleep.  
Larry brought his opposite hand up to her arm and started rubbing it gently. "Hey," he whispered.  
Ally brought her head up to look him in the eyes and smiled. She brought her head back down, nuzzled it on his shoulder, and then cuddled the rest of her body against his. "There's nothing better in this world than waking up next to you every morning."   
Larry glanced down at her, still caressing her arm, then looked back up at the ceiling, semi-bug-eyed, and sighed heavily. How he wished he could think the same thing, but at this moment in time, he felt like being with her, staying with her, was an obligation. He didn't want to hurt her, but for some reason, that longing to run away again was sneaking up on him again. Part of him wished he could come up with a feasible excuse to leave again, the other part of him said to quit being such a damn coward, settle down, and be happy.   
Ally noticed his tension and shifted uncomfortably, pulling away from him slightly. "Larry," she began, her voice quivering slightly. She looked up at him, "Is something wrong?"   
Oh no, Larry thought. **Why the hell can't I hide when I'm feeling strange? Dammit…dammit dammit dammit!** "No baby, what could be wrong?" Larry lied, again. Why he kept doing this to the woman he loved deep down, was completely beyond him.   
"Well," Ally began apprehensively. "You're a bit tense, and you're always tense when something's wrong, so I just thought…" Larry cut her off by bending down to kiss her, hoping she would drop it. The last thing he wanted was to worry about her worrying when he had his own things to sort through.   
"Does that ease your mind?" he asked, forcing a smile.   
A smile played across Ally's lips, "Mmm, yes it does." She leaned up for another kiss and Larry compelled.   
Good, Larry thought in his head as Ally slowly eased out of bed to get ready for work. Larry was always thankful for the weekdays. The weekdays meant that he didn't have to be around Ally all day. As soon as Ally was up and in the shower, Larry pulled himself out of bed and roamed out into the kitchen, scratching his stomach, feeling and hearing it grumble. **Mmm, foooood,** Larry thought. He walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed the milk. He made himself some cereal and then made his way over to the window seat. As soon as he made himself comfortable and started to eat, he began to wonder what the hell went wrong so quickly. He allowed himself to stay with Ally despite all of his feelings towards the "omens" that were occurring and he thought he was happy, but something……something was missing. He could feel it; he could feel it in his bones.   
Larry found his eyes wandering over the landscape of Boston and resting themselves on the clouds that were high in the sky. Thank god it was a cloudy day or Larry would find himself blinded at that moment. Come to think of it, the whole past week had been rainy. **Perfect match for a rotten mood.**   
Larry finished his cereal and then made his way back into the bedroom, only to see Ally at her dressing table, applying her make-up. Larry had always admired how good Ally looked without make-up. He could never talk her out of putting it on though. It was like it was embedded into her thick skull that she was hideous without it. Well, if she wouldn't listen to him, nothing would change. Larry actually managed to chuckle softly at that thought.   
"What are you thinkin' 'bout?" Ally heard Larry's little chuckle and turned around, holding a mascara wand.   
"You, and your make-up, and the thousands of times I've told you how beautiful you are without it," then it struck Larry. Ally really was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.   
"Oh how wrong you are!" Ally turned back around to face the mirror and went back to applying her the mascara. "No woman is perfect or completely beautiful without her face on. This," she pointed to all the make-up laid out in front of her, "is my face."   
Larry walked over to her, whipped her around in her chair, and cupped her face in his hands. "This," he caressed her cheeks softly, "is your face." He kissed her nose. "And it's very very beautiful." With that, he left and went into the bathroom to take his shower, leaving a stunned Ally just sitting at her dressing table, stunned by the sweetness of her seemingly too perfect fiancée.   
  
***  
  
"Morning Larry," Coretta greeted Larry as he trudged in with the morning paper and a wet umbrella.   
"When will this awful weather stop?" Larry complained as he shook off his jacket.   
"I know, but, that's the price you pay for being on the east coast, nasty weather," Coretta pointed out the window and wrinkled her nose. "So," Coretta smiled as Larry moved towards his desk, opening up a half-damp newspaper. "How does it feel to know you're going to marry the love of your life in less than a month?" Coretta got a kick out of asking Larry that almost every day. She was the one who told him that he was making the mistake of disregarding Ally due to a bunch of stupid omens. She took the majority of the credit for Larry making the decision to stay. What could she say; she just had that effect on people.   
"Do I have to endure that question every morning Coretta?" Larry groaned, knowing that it wouldn't be annoying if the nagging feeling hadn't still been existent in his gut.   
"Well, I think you two are just about the cutest couple around and I see your wedding being one of the most memorable ever."   
"Gee, thanks. Do I get to hear how much of a corny couple we are again?" Larry mocked sarcastically, a remark that received a smack from Coretta on the arm.   
"Quit that, you know it, and I know it, I don't have to say THAT every morning," she smiled sweetly, grabbed the morning paper out from under his nose and thrust a semi-thick pile of documents in front of him. "You still have cases to finish you know. Quit screwing around," and with that, Coretta turned on her heal and went…across the room, to her desk.   
Over the course of the morning, Larry managed to keep himself quiet and busy. He was surprised at how he was able to concentrate, what with the things flying around in his head. When noon rolled around, Larry was more than ready for a break. He was hoping to gather his thoughts and maybe, possibly, pinpoint what was irking him so bad where Ally was concerned. He was sure it wasn't the whole relationship thing; he felt he was passed that for sure. What was empty? What was it that was hollow inside of him? Was it the loving part of him? Could he just not love anymore? **No, it couldn't be that,** he reasoned. After all, that move by the dressing table this morning was pretty sweet. He still had THAT in him. His heart, it felt like a piece of his heart was missing.   
Coretta was watching Larry as he looked out the window, thinking. She knew this was the bad kind of thinking. If there was one thing she could tell about him by now, it was when he was having those "evil thoughts" she called them.   
"Larry…" she started, in that stern tone of voice. "What evil thoughts are going through your head right now?"   
Larry turned around and groaned. "Why can't you just keep to yourself? Do you always have to pry?"   
"When it involves a sweet innocent woman that doesn't need to be hurt by you a SECOND time, YES, I do!" Coretta was very stern. She didn't know Ally personally that well, but she knew what she would feel like if she were the one with someone like Larry. "What's wrong now? Another omen? Perhaps an encounter with some OTHER ex-girlfriend you had a child with?"   
Larry's eyes lit up. That was it! The missing part…a part of his heart was missing…and he knew where to find it.   
  
***  
  
Ally was sitting at her desk, drumming her fingers while holding the phone, which was ringing up Larry's office.  
When Coretta picked up the phone, Ally was a little perplexed. "Where's Larry? I haven't been able to get a hold of him and we were supposed to have dinner out tonight," Ally explained to Coretta.   
"Um, Ally, he left during lunch, and I haven't heard from him since. I thought maybe he went to see you," Coretta answered back.   
"Nooo…" Ally started to twirl the phone cord with her fingers.   
"How are you two?" Coretta decided to take a stab, see if there was something Larry wasn't telling her. He HAD been unusually quiet lately, but she thought that might be because of work.   
"We're fine, why? I mean, w-wh-wha-what would be wrong?" Ally laughed nervously. Suddenly she felt like there was something she was missing.   
"Is there something I don't know?" Ally and Coretta asked each other, simultaneously, which was followed by a long pause.   
"Umm…" Ally started to drum her fingers again, then stood up and then sat back down, missing the chair and falling flat on her butt, dropping the phone in the process. "Aaaaggghhh!" she cried out, springing right back up again, feeling like a huge jackass.   
"Ally?" Coretta called out.   
"Hi," Ally was grabbing the phone cord and pulling the receiver up. "Coretta, hi," she finally pulled the receiver back to her ear, and then flipped it over, realizing she had it upside down. "Sorry, I slipped."  
"Yeah, that was, evident," Coretta responded slowly, realizing then just what an oddball Ally really was. "So…"   
"So…" Ally reciprocated. "I guess if you don't know where he is, I'll just go home, maybe I'll catch up with him there.   
"Okay, sounds like a plan. Sorry I couldn't help," Coretta genuinely responded.   
"It's okay, ya know, whatever," Ally laughed nervously.   
"Are you okay?" Coretta asked, before hanging up.   
Ally sighed heavily, "I'll be fine, thanks," and with that, she slowly hung up the phone.   
Ally grabbed her coat from the rack in the corner, hoping and praying to find Larry at home. The thoughts going through her head however, said anything but…………  
  
***  
  
When Ally walked through the door, she hoped to find Larry surprising her with dinner or something, but all of the lights were off and it felt so cold. She shook off her jacket as she removed it. It had been raining all day and the night was no exception. Ally went into the kitchen and turned the light on. Since Renee left to clear her head, Larry was the only company Ally ever had at home in the evening.   
Ally absentmindedly opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. She opened it and took a big gulp, then shut the fridge. She took another drink and then noticed a piece of paper stuck onto one of the doors by a magnet. Ally's heart began beating at a super fast rate.   
  
Ally,  
Words can't express what I've been going through lately. I have to admit that I've been spacey lately and I thought it was you. I can't explain much more, but just know that I love you and I'll be back.   
  
Larry  
  
Ally's knees gave way and she dropped to the floor, water bottle flying form her hands and making its way all over the hard tile, oozing further and further towards the carpet. Ally felt her head grow heavy and her eyes shut tight. **No, no no no! This canNOT be happening again!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!** Ally's brain screamed at her incessantly. She could feel her heart being squeezed inside her chest. Ally brought her head down and rested it in her hands, holding on for dear life as if it were about to roll off onto the floor and float in all the water that was widespread.   
  
***  
  
After spending half an hour at least lying in the kitchen, soaking herself in the spilled water bottle, Ally got herself together, mopped up the mess in the kitchen and settled herself in a bath. Her hair was pinned up behind her and she was covered in bubbles.   
Ally's eyes were shut as she listened to the rain softly hit the window. She wondered where Larry was right now and what was going through his head. She wondered what it was she had done this time to send him away. She wondered if she would ever be happy. She also wondered if she would ever be able to get over him after he finally left her for good. It seemed to be a pattern he was making. First he leaves, says "just know that I love you and I'll-be-back" and then leaves again with "I love you, goodbye," and this last time, same as the first. Ally couldn't help but wonder if he was going to do this for the rest of their natural lives. Even in heaven, she could see his soul teasing hers, leaving and coming back, leaving only to come back again to Ally's wide-open arms.   
Ally opened her eyes and started to stare at the ceiling. Things were so perfect this morning. He had called her beautiful without make-up again and that always made her melt. Not that it would make her stop putting it on, but she knew that he truly loved her if he thought she was beautiful without make-up on. She thought she was hideous without it, so that must mean that he loves her for her. Sure she knew it deep down, but ask anybody and they'll tell you they need some reassurance every once in a while. With Larry, you needed it at least five times a day. You would think in a way he'd be unpredictable, but in all honesty, his leaving was very predictable. It was very simple; it always happened.   
Ally reached for a towel and brought herself up from the warm water, wrapping herself up in a towel, shivering slightly. She walked out into the bedroom and looked around the room. There were reminders of Larry everywhere she looked. A memory surfaced from every corner of the room. She slowly walked over to the window and felt fresh warm tears falling down as she watched the rain mimic her. Ally didn't know what to do with herself. Half of her wanted to cry and cry no matter what anyone would think. The other half wanted to kill Larry. However, all of her wanted to die. She couldn't get a break. She couldn't get a freaking break.   
Ally closed her eyes and imagined that Larry was outside, begging for Ally to take him back. While she imagined that scene, she hummed a tune with lyrics that were poignant to her little fantasy.   
  
You took your coat off and stood in the rain  
You were always crazy like that  
  
Ally had to admire the way Larry would make a fool out of himself for her. That was always a plus in any relationship. If you make an ass of yourself, it further proves your love…or so it's said.   
  
And I watched from my window   
Always felt I was outside  
Looking in on you  
  
Larry always seemed like he was in his own little world and rarely let anyone in. The only time Ally could remember Larry letting her into his "world" was when he told her about Sam.  
  
You were always the mysterious one with  
Dark eyes and careless hair  
You were fashionably sensitive but too cool to care  
  
Mystery. That was the one word that embodied Larry Paul. He never seemed to give a damn either. For some reason, that always seemed to bother Ally.   
  
You stood in my doorway without nothing to say  
Besides some comment on the weather  
  
It was just like Larry to make conversation about something not relating to the situation on hand. It was like it made him more comfortable.   
Ally imagined Larry asking if he could come up. It was raining and he was cold. He wanted to see how she was. Apparently there was no mention of an apology.  
  
Well in case you fail to notice  
In case you fail to see  
This is my heart  
Bleeding before you  
This is my down on my knees  
  
**Does he even give a damn?** Larry was at Ally's door.  
  
These foolish games are tearing me apart  
  
**Right in two.**  
  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart   
You're breaking my heart  
  
**That doesn't even describe what I feel when I look at him.** As Larry stood there at her door, all in her fantasy mind you, Ally began to get furious.  
  
Well excuse me   
Guess I'm mistakin' you for somebody else  
Somebody who gave a damn  
Somebody more like myself  
  
Ally shoved Larry against the wall in the hallway of the apartment building floor and slammed the door.  
  
And these foolish games are tearing me, you're tearing me, you're tearing me apart  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart   
You're breaking my heart  
  
Larry made his way down the stairs with a bruised heart and when he got back outside in the rain, he stared back up at Ally's window. He could see Ally crying as she had a hand on the window, for balance he assumed, looking at him as he stared up at her, defeated, through the rain pouring down and clogging his vision, mixing with his tears.   
  
You took your coat off and stood in the rain  
You were always crazy like that  
  
Ally opened her eyes and saw that the rain was pouring even harder. She felt a chill run down her spine and decided that it would be a good time to get dressed and go to bed. Alone. For the first time in a long time.   
  
***  
  
Ally woke up to the sun shining brightly through her window. The heat warmed her up and a smile crept to her face. It was sunny for the first time in over a week. Ally habitually rolled over to put an arm around Larry and snuggle next to him, but when she met with the cold spot next to her, she remembered all of the events from the previous day…the water bottle, the rain, the bath, the stupid note, the daydream.   
It was right then that Ally realized the effect that Larry had on her. Why else would she have broken up with him, only to run after him when he had said that he couldn't do it anymore? He held her heart in the palm of his hands and he could do anything he wanted and it would affect her, no matter what.   
She pulled herself out of bed and put on her robe, tying it in a loose knot in the front. She called in sick to work and curled up on the couch with a pint of double mocha rocha ice cream and turned on the television. It was the whole talk show circuit, which bored her, so she turned on the VCR and pressed play. It was some gushy film that her and Larry were watching just the other night and hating the memories, Ally turned off the television, on the radio, and covered herself in an afghan that was on the couch. She fell asleep shortly after.   
  
***  
  
Ally was awoken to the sound of a loud clap of thunder above her. She stood up real quick in a panic. She noticed all of her surroundings were shadowed by the nighttime that peeked into her apartment through the half-open blinds. There was a loud bang, sounded like a knock, but it made Ally jump a hundred feet in the air nonetheless and let out a yelp as well. She realized it was the door when she heard the bang again. It sounded like a desperate knock. It was as if the person calling thought she wouldn't hear it if they didn't make it sound like the door was going to be knocked down. Ally made her way to the door, attached the chain, and then opened it up. She had no idea who would be visiting her this time of night.   
"Ally," Ally heard her name being called by an oh-so-familiar voice.   
"Larry," she whispered back, her heartbeat speeding up rapidly. She felt the process begin.   
  
Please don't look at me like that  
It just makes me want to make you near me always  
  
"Can I come in?" Larry asked. Ally shut the door and undid the chain, but she stood there for a minute, trying to regain normal breathing. She finally opened the door and noticed how drenched he was.   
The two just stood there, staring at each other, drinking up the sight of one another. Larry couldn't believe he could feel hollow when he was with someone this wonderful. Ally was the epitome of wonderful. Everything that was wonderful was indeed Ally McBeal.   
  
And when you look into my eyes  
Please know my heart is in your hands  
  
Ally shook her head to snap herself out of the daze Larry's return had put her in and moved out of the way, leaving room for Larry to walk inside. Larry slowly walked inside, timid as if he might get bitten if he walked too far or too fast or did too much of anything.   
  
So be gentle if you please  
  
"Ally," Larry started. Ally held her breath for the most part, taking short quick breaths only when she was about ready to turn purple. Even though the sensible part of her brain was telling her to be livid with Larry for what he did, her heart was surrendering to the very sight of his gorgeous face, which happened to be dripping from rain. "I'm sorry. I had something I had to do."  
After a moment of silence, Ally piped up. "I thought you left me again." Her voice was soft, but audible.   
"No, I, I had, I had something to take care of," Larry stuttered, feeling the heat between them, the nervous tension that arose.   
"You already said that," Ally smiled.   
**Oh how I long to see this face for the rest of my life!**  
"Listen, I wanted to explain myself…" Larry cut himself off. He decided to keep it short and sweet. "Please don't ever doubt how much I love you."  
Ally felt her knees go weak and she gripped the column she was standing next to.   
  
Please don't say I love you,  
Those words touch me much too deeply  
And they make my core tremble  
Don't think you realize the power you have over me  
  
Larry stepped closer to her; Ally could feel his breath against her face.   
  
And please don't come so close  
It just makes me want to make you near me always  
  
Larry reached a hand up to touch the one of Ally's that was holding her balance against the column.  
  
And please don't touch me like that  
Makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow  
  
Ally could feel the tingling from his touch running up and down her arm. She pulled away in semi-panic. Larry unzipped his jacket and pulled out a long-stem thorn less pink rose, Ally's favorite.   
  
Please don't send me flowers  
They only whisper the sweet things you'd say  
Don't try to understand me  
Your hands already know too much anyway  
It just makes me want to make you near me always  
  
Larry reached out the flower, holding it softly at the lower base. In his mind, it was like a peace offering. It showed that they were on neutral ground, if not ready for movement forward, it was a start at least.   
Ally made strong eye contact with Larry and then reached out for the flower.   
  
So be gentle if you please  
  
"Why did you leave?" Ally asked quietly, looking down into the bud of the rose, fingering the soft petals that were warm due to the heat from being zipped up in a jacket for however long it had been.   
"I was missing a part of me," Larry simply said.   
"And what part of you was that?" Ally asked, still quiet, but definitely puzzled.   
"Sam."   
"Sam?"   
"A part of my heart was hollow and I knew that it would never be filled without him near me always. At first I thought it was that I didn't love you or something like that, but I instantly knew, just by looking at you yesterday morning as you did your make-up, that it wasn't that. I mean I don't think I've ever loved anybody more. But," Larry looked down at the ground, fidgeting with his damp tie. "That spot in my heart couldn't be filled by you. It was Sam I needed. All along it was Sam," he looked back up. "I hope you understand," his eyes were strained with hurt.   
Ally just stood there for a moment, clearing her throat every time she almost started to speak. "Where is he?" she looked down at the floor past the top of the flower.   
"He's on the first flight out Monday," Larry responded, a hint of joyfulness in his voice.   
"Well," Ally looked back up, "I guess that's a good thing."   
"That's a good thing," Larry actually smiled. Their eyes met and the connection was instantaneous.   
  
And when you look into my eyes  
Please know my heart is in your hands  
  
Larry reached out for one of Ally's hands again and this time, Ally reciprocated with warm contraction. Larry slowly pulled Ally closer and closer to him and she felt herself collapse in his arms.   
  
And please don't touch me like that  
Makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow  
  
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms  
You have complete power over me  
  
They held each other for a couple of minutes and then Larry looked down and slowly lifted up Ally's chin.   
  
Please don't look at me like that  
It just makes me want to make you near me always  
  
Larry caressed Ally's cheek softly with the backside of one of his hands, holding her close to him with his other arm. He bent down slowly and kissed her forehead, both of her cheeks, her nose, and then her lips…slowly, tenderly, amorously.  
  
Please don't kiss me so sweet  
It makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow  
  
"I'm scared Larry," Ally whispered after pulling back from him slightly, despite wanting more kissing. "I thought you were gone. I mean your note wasn't very descriptive."   
"Well, I'm not leaving you again. I told you before that I never would. I just, you're going to have to bear with me when I get a little distant."  
  
I want to be near you always  
  
"I don't love you less, I could never love you less…"  
  
I want to be near you always  
  
"I just, get weird sometimes. And I'm working on it. So if you will bear with me…help me get through it, I will never leave you.   
  
I want to be near you always  
  
"Do you have any idea of the kind of hold you have on me?" Ally questioned him, voice much softer than before.   
  
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms  
You have complete power over me  
So be gentle if you please 'cause  
You hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth  
And it makes me want to make you near me always  
  
"Do you know how much I die without you?" Larry asked in response.   
  
I want to be near you always  
  
They slowly made their way to the bedroom and lay down slowly on the bed. Larry gathered Ally up in his arms, holding her tightly, vowing never to let go or make her wonder again.   
  
I want to be near you always  
  
I want to be near you always 


End file.
